Joe Nagel, an entity whom we know little about, is a [redacted] year old musician living in the Americas, born in around 870 BCE. Many civillians describe Joe as a "nageltastic, nagelful, and nagelistic fella." Joe lived a peachful life until the dawn of the seventh blue moon on a Sunday, where deity ALEX RUBIN sought out revenge on Joe Nagel, for reasons unknown. RUBIN acquired a glock handgun and promised to rain hell on Joe the minute he laid his eyes on him. However, since Joe Nagel is an ever-knowing being, he knew ALEX RUBIN's plan months before ALEX even knew about the plan. Joe Nagel called up the Nageltastic Nagelers and said "yo nageltastic nagelers i need ur help you gotta help me get this glock outta alex's possession." Of course, the Nageltastic Nagelers were all like "omg yass." The Nageltastic Nagelers scurried to ALEX RUBIN's home one fateful night, climbed in through his apartment window, and STOLE the shiny glock out of the shiny glock holder while ALEX RUBIN was sound asleep. "thx for bringing me this yummy little glock, i will dispose of this gracefully." said Joe Nagel, to the Nageltastic Nagelers.
ALEX RUBIN woke up FURIOUS. "I will kill Joe Nagel, even if it's with my bare hands!!!!!!" he said, shaking his pale dry fist. He ran to the Guitar School where Joe Nagel was staying and said "JOE NAGEL, COME OUT COME OUT!!!!" Joe Nagel peered out of the window and said, "what a fuckin loser" and went back to teaching the Nageltatic Nagelers how to play Wheels by CAKE.
After teaching the band for a while, Joe Nagel finally decided to square up with ALEX RUBIN. Joe revealed his shiny black glock that definitely wasn't from ALEX RUBIN's apartment. ALEX gasped, grew wings and started flying all around the school. Joe tried to take shots at him but he doesn't know how to use a gun since he's against gun violence so he wasn't good at being violent with a gun. ALEX flew and stole the gun back from Joe Nagel's grasp and flew back out the window with it.
That is where we are today. ALEX RUBIN has not resurfaced to this day. What happened to him? Don't know. The situation left an indescribable amount of societal damage. The world was split in two; half on ALEX RUBIN's side, and half on Joe Nagel's side. Many people are speculating ALEX RUBIN's whereabouts, even considering death as an option. Now, the Nageltastic Nagelers are against gun violence and devoted to protecting Joe Nagel from ALEX's missing glock at all times.
Say it with me, PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS PROTECT JOE NAGEL, NOT GUNS

On the eighth Wednesday of November, Joe Nagel was having a peaceful and relaxed evening, watching Mulholland Drive on VHS. But then he heard a ruckus occurring in his chimney. Someone fell through and was now laying, covered in soot, in the fireplace.
“Dude what the fuck why are you doing blackface!! Get the hell out of my house you fucking racist!!” Joe Nagel screamed, stabbing them with the fireplace poker.
“Ow what the fuck Joe it’s me!!!!!” said the person, emerging from the fireplace, wiping soot off of their face, revealing that it was in fact Dave Nagel, the estranged brother of Joe Nagel.
“Oh hey. Long time no see, why are you here?” Joe said, not so enthusiastically, since they were estranged after all.
“I’m here as a messenger, to warn you.”
“About what?”
“I’m not sure, but I was given the orders to give this to you as fast as possible.” Dave pulls out a walkman out of his trench coat pocket, and hands it to Joe. The glistening cassette inside the walkman caught Joe’s eye. He enjoys shiny things, like a crow.
“Let me take a listen.” Joe says, putting on the headphones and pressing play. The poem tune went like this,

Rubin has returned
To see you, he yearns
He needs to get revenge
His glock he must avenge
You gotta run away
Or else he’ll make you pay
But please never fear
The Nagelers are here!

Joe was horrified, “Has he not learned his lesson? Why is he back? This is so inconvenient.”
“May I ask what the situation is?” Dave asked.
“This man Alex Rubin is angry that I stole his glock because he was trying to kill me. He wants to kill me because I put a curse on him that caused him to lose all of his beautiful hair. However, he was unsuccessful in murdering me. After being in hiding for so long he’s returned– for revenge, I guess.” Joe replied with an annoyed sigh.
Two hours later. Joe has packed all of his most prized belongings, such as his wooden carving of a pelican and his VHS tape collection of all of David Lynch’s films, into a black briefcase. Dave is now locked in Joe’s basement for experimentation, however Joe isn’t planning on staying for long. He is off to the Nagelers’ apartment to stay for a while until Alex Rubin leaves.
Once he arrives at the Nagelers’ apartment, they welcome him warmly.
“WELCOME JOE NAGEL! HOW WE HAVE MISSED YOU SO!” They said in unison as they hugged him.
After entering the room, Joe Nagel unpacked his briefcase and made himself at home. The one window in the studio apartment was boarded up, so no outside light could get in. The only source of light was a lamp that sat in the corner of the kitchen and living room, and the TV that only had one channel, PBS kids.
“My Nagelers, may I inquire about something?” Joe asked the Nageling Nagelers.
“Yes?”
“Please go out and find Alex Rubin, and throw him off course. I don’t know how much preparing he has done, but I want to know what to expect–”
Before he could even finish the sentence they were out. Soaring out and scouring the city like hawks looking for mice. It didn’t take long for them to find Alex. He held balls of flames in his hands and was destroying New York City screaming, “WHERE IS JOE NAGEL?”
The Nagelers flew down to where Alex was, and used their Nagel telepathy to spin Alex around and around, making him dizzy. This caused him to mess up his fire powers and instead cast a spell onto the Nagelers, sending them straight down into the underworld.